A cop is directing traffic...

A cop is directing traffic and sees a guy walking hand in hand with a penguin. The cop points and yells. "Hey! take that thing to the zoo!" The man with the penguin agrees and walks away. A couple of days later the cop is directing traffic again and sees the same man walking hand in hand with the same penguin. The cop yells "Hey I thought I told you to take that thing to the zoo!" The guy replies "I did. Today we are going to the movies."

Elephant

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air.

The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.

The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.

Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

-----

Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenage son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.

The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn't the same elephant..

A lady approaches her priest...

A lady approaches her priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."

"What do they say?" the priest inquired.

"They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. 'Want to have some fun?'"

"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to your problem.

Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible.

My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship."

"Thank you!" the woman responded. The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's house.

His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage.

The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots and the female parrots say,"Hi, we're prostitutes, want to have some fun?"

One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put the beads away. Our prayers have been answered!"

There were four ducks...

There were four ducks that got arrested while messing around at the pond. The judge orders the ducks to come in one at a time to speak their piece.

The first duck comes in.
"What's your name, son?" the judge asks.
"Duck," replied the duck.
"What are you in for?" the judge asks.
"Well, I was sitting at the pond blowing bubbles, and the cop came by and arrested me."
The judge said "Okay, send in the next duck."

The next duck came in. His name was "Duck, Duck," and he told the exact same story as the first duck.

After his examination, the judge asked for the third duck to be sent in. The third duck's name was "Duck, Duck, Duck," and he told the same story as the first two.

Finally, the judge sent for the fourth duck. As he came in, the judge said, "Let me guess, your name is Duck, Duck, Duck, Duck, right?"
The duck replied, "No sir, my name is Bubbles."